I am a mother to an incredibly busy toddler. When I had my first child over ten years ago, she was so well-behaved that I thought I was a great parent and other children were only monsters because their parents suck. Now I have Avery…
Avery came along to humble me about my parenting. She is here to let me know I just got lucky with her big sister, Sydney, and that when faced with a REAL challenge in managing tiny people that I have zero control. She drop-kicked me right off my high horse.
I thought she had already gotten into everything possible on the first floor of our home. Nothing surprises me anymore. Find old limes behind the television? Par for the course here. Fifty-two baby wipes spread out all around the house? Child’s play. Her stealing the dog treats? Just an average Tuesday. But, today she surprised me.
As I sat in the living room feeding her baby sister, she wandered into the kitchen with her big sister. I thought all was well until I heard her little footsteps running and her squealing with laughter. That’s always a sign she’s doing something she shouldn’t. She rounded the corner into the living room at full speed giggling and waving around the TOILET BRUSH!
She was wielding that thing like she had pulled Excalibur from the stone while high on cocaine. Aaliyah was running behind her apprehensively trying to get it from her without getting touched with the brush end, screaming, “EW! EW! EW!” I yelled, “NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!” which only made her laugh harder and run faster. I almost dropped the baby, Charlotte, as I jumped up to grab the toilet brush by the handle JUST before she made it to the couch to spread the bio-hazard all over the fabric. I try to be grateful for the small wins, so I at least thank God that she didn’t put the brush in her hair or mouth.
This tableau ends with me triumphantly grasping a disgusting toilet brush, one boob hanging out, a baby dangling from my hip as she looks on with confusion as to why her meal was interrupted, a defeated toddler at my feet and a grossed out 10-year old in the distance. Quick! Someone commission an oil painting or statute of this!
This place is a f*cking circus…
The Well-Adjusted Adult 