Have you ever had one of those days where your brain is like, “Let’s do ANYTHING other than what we are supposed to be doing,” and no matter your efforts to focus your brain just won’t cooperate? You try reading a long work email and your brain is like, “NOPE!” You try to get the wiggles out to no avail. You get so desperate because you know you have things to do that you literally start giving yourself a pep talk, out loud.
“Get your shit together! You don’t have all day to get this done. Pay attention, dammit!”
You respond to a few easy questions. You make a list to try to organize yourself. You get up for a cookie. You check Facebook. You text some people just to see what they’re doing. They are all working so you feel like a slacker. You start working on a file only to lie to yourself 10 minutes in that you need to find a new glue gun on Amazon and if you don’t handle that right now, you’ll probably regret it. Thirty minutes later, you stop searching Amazon and just go get the glue gun that you already have in the basement, because really this one is good enough. What did you need a glue gun for right now, anyway? Shit, you have a meeting in 10 minutes. No worries, this one is easy.
Nailed it! Made it through 30 minutes, mostly paying attention. No one had any idea you were singing the chorus to “She Said OK” by Big Boi in your head, which is one of the most inappropriate and raunchy songs that I’ve ever heard. I highly suggest looking it up. Ooh! It’s time for lunch!
By this time you realize this day isn’t going anywhere until you allow yourself to give in to wherever it is your brain has decided to take you. Here’s where mine took me today…
Homemade buffalo chicken salad for lunch. The kids’ frozen chicken nuggets will do just fine on the salad. I have buffalo dinosaur salad…
Theme song from Jurassic Park begins playing in my brain and I embark on a story-telling adventure which results in this…
JURASSIC SALAD
T Rex attacks a Stegosaurus…
T Rex has breached the perimeter…
A meteor has hit Earth, destroying everything in sight…
We travel to Egypt millions of years later to excavate fossils…
Huzzah!!! We have found the ass of a Stegosaurus!!! He appears to have been mauled by a T Rex.
He is covered in fossils fuels and mankind realizes, “These fossil fuels are great!! Let’s rape the earth of all of its natural resources and build shit and we will make a ton of money!!!”
Global Warming ensues…
The end is near!!!! Save us!!!
Extinction Level Event: We are all dead now… Except this dog beneath the desk ocean that shall be the future of lifeforms on Earth. The End.
So, that was lunch…
Later I was questioned by Sydney why there was dried hot sauce stuck in the holes of her Legos and I immediately went on the defensive asking, “How do you know its hot sauce?”
“Because I licked it.”
“Why would you lick something as a means of identification?! It could be dangerous chemicals!!”
“Well, why would you have chemicals in your office? You’re an accountant.”
And this is why I keep the Poison Control number handy.
The Well-Adjusted Adult 